Friday, May 9, 2014

My New Virtual Best Friend

When you adopt or planning to adopt, chances are you are the only one in your circle of friends to take on this wonderful challenge (unless you are apart of a community where everyone is "doing it", please email me I want to move there). This is especially true for those of us who are adopting older children. I do not have one friend in my circle who has adopted an older child. I do have lots of friends who are encouraging. I do have friends who give me advice about parenting, most of which I can not take because my kid is different. Trust me! I do have friends, but I only have one adoptive friend (she did foster to adopt) that can bear being with me and my daughter. She understands that I have to discipline in a weird way or I have to suddenly leave because my daughter is not regulating herself. She is patient with me and I thank Dad for her.

Who do I talk to about my older adopted kid issues? Who has been there before me and can give me adoptive parenting advice (APA for short)? Who can understand that we can't do certain activities because my kid is in the toddler stage even though she is 8? Does anyone know how it feels to have been with your child LITERALLY almost every hour of almost every day for the last 6 months? There really isn't any respite care for the adoptive parents together (currently I'm at McDonald's writing this post while my husband is taking care of our daughter). Is there anyone that can talk about the brutally honest truth about older children's behavioral issues? And geez, why do they resort to peeing on the rug in the bathroom? Clearly they went in there for some reason or other.

By the way, this blog is now offering FREE bathroom rugs to the first 3 people that can email me! My email address is sarai dot barnett at gmail dot com. I can't wait for all the responses I'm going to get!

Anyways, these thoughts have been on my mind this week and it's really weighing on me. It's not like I don't have any friends- just not ones who have adopted older children. Face it- we are special in our circle of friends. We are the experts on these children. I firmly believe that Dad has given us a special gift or talent, even though we will not admit it.

Ok so the title of this post is "My New Virtual Best Friend". I found her a couple of days ago on an adoption forum. Her name is Christine Moers and I'm pretty sure in real life we could be best friends. She seems a little out there for some people, she is sarcastic, and hilarious. She has been there before with older adopted children. She gets it and she makes youtube videos about it (thank you!), although she hasn't made any recent ones that I could find. These videos have given me encouragement of my situation and that I am not a CRAZY person. This is what adopting an older child or children is like and she helps you with their strange behaviors. She has unusual techniques but they work and it's all about therapeutic parenting, which is what our adopted kids need-unusual techniques. 

For instance she made a parody, "What you do with pee", a couple of years ago. I totally get that! And she makes me laugh about it instead of balling up and crying with no hope. She offers a weekly therapeutic parenting tip each week. To sign up for them, click here. She has lots of personality in her videos and she makes it real and practical. She has given me lots of encouragement this past week with our challenges. I will probably watch and re-watch these videos.

As adoptive parents, we need to find encouragement from those who have been there. They know exactly what we are going through. And they can tell us (with us believing them) that we are not crazy. You will lose your mind if you don't find someone who can relate to you. If you do need a friend please email me! If you are in the New Orleans area, I would love to meet up with you.

Do you have a special someone you talk to in your town? On the net? Give a shout out to them in the comments section.

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